Label Queen The Hallmark Episodes

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. Hello everyone, and welcome back to Label Queen. I am your host, James Aguiar. And these are the very special Hallmark episodes where we roast and toast Hallmark Christmas movies. And I could not do this without anybody other than my Christmas angel, comedian, writer, producer, Lauren Kinsella. Lauren, you are back. [00:00:31] Speaker B: I'm back. I've donned my gay apparel. I'm ready. [00:00:35] Speaker A: So these things have not scared you away? [00:00:38] Speaker B: No, no. I'm excited now that I recognize the, you know, Hallmarks, if you will, of the genre. [00:00:45] Speaker A: Uh huh. And it is a genre. [00:00:47] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely unto itself. There's nothing like these movies. I didn't. I didn't know and now I know. [00:00:52] Speaker A: Okay, so for those of you who don't know, Lauren knows nothing about Hallmark movies. This is brand new to her. So this is unfiltered, unsolicited commentary and it's just the best. And we've got a good one today. [00:01:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Twas the Date Before Christmas. [00:01:10] Speaker A: Let's get into it. Okay. Twas the Date Before Christmas is the title of a 2024 Hallmark Channel movie starring Amy Groening and Robert Buckley. It is a twist on the classic poem a visit from St Nicholas, which famously begins, twas the night before Christmas. Meanwhile, this movie has nothing to do with the poem. They just ripped off that. [00:01:34] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:01:35] Speaker A: Ip okay, here's the synopsis. To prevent her family from canceling their annual Chamberlain family Christmas Olympics. It's a tradition. Jesse that's groaning lies and says she has a date. The holiday gathering. She finds Brian, that's Buckley, on a dating app, Internet dating. And he agrees to attend the event with her despite it being their first date. None of that makes sense. We'll get into it. The plot follows the pair as they participate in an. In an. An e. The plot follows the pair as they participate in an eccentric family activities like gift wrapping contest and snowball fight. All of these are beautifully named, by the way. All while trying to hide the fact that they just met. Along the way, they begin to develop genuine feelings for each other. And the movie explores themes of grief, family traditions and new romance. These are some themes. [00:02:40] Speaker B: Uh huh. Yep. Indeed. These people are monsters. [00:02:44] Speaker A: They are monstrous. Okay, what did you think of the Twas the Date Before Christmas? [00:02:51] Speaker B: I mean, we've gone a lot of places and through wormholes and time warps. So I was sort of. It seems like this is the blueprint. Like dumb premise, straight ahead romantic comment. I was like, okay, this is what? Like I'm not. I don't need to understand string theory. [00:03:10] Speaker A: This One felt grounded. It was definitely a nod to the classics, but to me, it felt like a real movie. Okay, all right, so let's get into it. We open on a random city. Like, normally, it's New York. I had no idea where their city was. [00:03:26] Speaker B: Yeah, something's on Stevenson Street. I was like, we're not in a metropolis that I've ever heard of. [00:03:31] Speaker A: I didn't get the city. So if you know it, let me know. At Label Queen Pot, Gmail dot com. We open on the random city. There's a couple on a date. This is a chic restaurant. There's a couple on a date. They get engaged at the old ring. [00:03:47] Speaker B: In the champagne coupe. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Yep. Yep. [00:03:50] Speaker B: Number. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Yep. We go, there's another date. This is Jesse. She's on a date with a crypto bro. [00:03:59] Speaker B: Not yet. This is the guy who just wants to finish her food. Crypto bro is her second in a series of just comically awful dates. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Okay, all right. I didn't write it down because I was like, is this the one? But he wasn't cute enough. This is just a series of, like, bad things. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Really bad dates. [00:04:15] Speaker A: She's got the crypto bro. The guy that wants to eat her food. [00:04:19] Speaker B: The guy that's stealing from children. [00:04:21] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:22] Speaker B: They're at a charity event, and the one guy just wants to put something in his pocket. [00:04:25] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:26] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, they couldn't be any worse. A crypto bro. Though it's pumping. Like, is that a crypto term? [00:04:33] Speaker A: So, crypto bro. Yes. The guy that wanted to steal the earphones. Yes. [00:04:40] Speaker B: That had been donated to children in need. [00:04:43] Speaker A: Love him. [00:04:43] Speaker B: I mean, love him. [00:04:46] Speaker A: Okay. Now she's walking down the street with her friend. They're having a little bit of a conversation. We cut to another scene, which is a development office. Now, education. Whenever you see the term development, it's bad. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah. And this is he. But he's the prodigal son in his Carhartt jacket. He's not buying into this suit lifestyle. But we learn in this scene from the guy who's managing this company that the company, in fact, belongs to our hero, Brian. And he can do whatever he wants with it at any time. So just eliminating the stakes. [00:05:20] Speaker A: Exactly. But. And you. You are all about the stakes. [00:05:23] Speaker B: I wish there were some. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Okay, so here's the thing with this development agency. Normally they're like, tear it down. That mom and pop get rid of it. We're going to put up condos or a resort. Like, those are the two most evil things. But this is development Office that is actually putting up affordable housing. So you've got this really push and pull of. They're developers, but they're doing. [00:05:48] Speaker B: They're building affordable housing, but they do need to evict this one tenant. [00:05:53] Speaker A: And the tenant is. What's that fucking candle store called? [00:05:56] Speaker B: Warm Hearts Candles. [00:05:59] Speaker A: Okay. And this is owned by the friend that Jesse was walking with. So she has a candle store, of course, in the middle of, you know. [00:06:08] Speaker B: City on Stevenson Street. [00:06:10] Speaker A: Yes. Okay. So, yes, he's the interim CEO, but he is the son of the father. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Who is no longer with us. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Yes. [00:06:19] Speaker B: So it's his company whenever he wants it. [00:06:21] Speaker A: Yep. Then we cut to Jesse. She's in her apartment. We don't really know what she does, but she's on a zoom call. [00:06:30] Speaker B: Oh. It's the international team. And, oh, my. Were they not just an array of international delights? There's like a Swede in a. I mean, it was just very all in Christmas sweaters. [00:06:42] Speaker A: So she's having a zoom call and talking about some bullshit called fiber optics marketing. [00:06:47] Speaker B: Okay. But this is also a theme of this Optics. [00:06:50] Speaker A: Yes. [00:06:51] Speaker B: Right. The optics are so important. It wasn't lost on me that she works in fiber optics, because the presentation and the look from outside, I was. [00:06:59] Speaker A: Like, okay, Lauren, I can tell you you are going way too deep. You are looking for any shred. I'm trying. [00:07:06] Speaker B: I'm holding on here. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Okay. She's fiber optics marketing job, which we don't know what that is. She gets interrupted by her mother. She brings a mini tree. They're talking about decorating this tree. And the mom says, I have some bad news for you. We're going to cancel the. I forget their last name. It'll come to me. [00:07:30] Speaker B: Chamberlain, I think. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Yes. Thank you. They are canceling the Chamberlain Christmas Olympics. [00:07:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Because Aunt Lily's getting on in years. [00:07:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:41] Speaker B: Which we will later find out is a fallacy. She's spry as a motherfucker. Yeah. [00:07:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:45] Speaker B: But, yeah. There's just no real excuse for canceling this thing. It's like, well, eh. And we later see that these people are obsessed with Christmas, but they're canceling it. And then Jesse knows the only way to save this. [00:07:58] Speaker A: Right. [00:07:58] Speaker B: Is to lie. [00:07:59] Speaker A: Exactly. And say I was planning on bringing somebody. And then all of a sudden, back on. Back on. [00:08:07] Speaker B: Now that you're not a spinster, we can do Christmas. It's so whack. [00:08:12] Speaker A: The Christmas boners start popping and we are in it. Just because she decided to bring a man. But she does say something to her, like change is okay. And like there is sort of some foreshadowing. Yeah, there is a little bit of a foreshadowing. Okay. The Chamberlain family Christmas Olympics lives on. We go to the small store where the. What is it called? Walmart candles. Okay. We go to the store, they're having a sip and pour, and she's talking to her friend and they decide to go on this sort of like blind date, you know, like that's the only way I can get somebody to go at this short notice. [00:08:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:51] Speaker A: Okay. So they go on a dating app. [00:08:55] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:08:55] Speaker A: And immediately she matches with Brian. [00:08:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:59] Speaker A: So Brian is also on the app. Yeah, he's on the app. They start texting. I don't know this world. So I guess that's how it happens. [00:09:10] Speaker B: And he says, so he sends her a message, she replies. And he says she's cute and prompt. Yeah, like that's a sexy thing to be. Like, oh, love me a prompt woman. It's like the weirdest adjective. [00:09:24] Speaker A: I will say that. And prompt will say this. Both of them are cute. [00:09:28] Speaker B: They're cute. Yes, they're cute. [00:09:30] Speaker A: I'm. I'm okay with that. All right, we cut to another scene. Jesse's folding laundry and she comes across a card that is addressed to her. And we don't really know what that card is. [00:09:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I thought maybe the mom had left it for her, but it's sort of nebulous. [00:09:46] Speaker A: We don't know what that is. Jesse decides to meet Brian. They of course have the ubiquitous empty coffee cups. [00:09:55] Speaker B: And also her guess was I figured splash of skim and it was such a, like not masculine coffee order. Like I assumed your coffee order was lame. Here you go, here's an empty cup. [00:10:06] Speaker A: A coffee plays a huge role in these things. Coffee, cocoa, eggnog. Like all of those things are must. Okay, so we get the coffee order, but they hit it off immediately. Yeah, they're kind of like, okay, they. [00:10:20] Speaker B: Got a little banter. [00:10:21] Speaker A: Okay, it's a blind date. I mean, by the way, who on the earth is like, okay, I'll go for a blind date cause I have nothing else to do the week of Christmas. [00:10:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:33] Speaker B: Okay, well, he has no family. [00:10:35] Speaker A: He has no family. Yeah, they go to an anonymous Anytown usa, Which we don't know where it is, but it's seemingly very close to this city. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Somehow warm hearts is around there somewhere. [00:10:47] Speaker A: It's very weird. Is it like Brooklyn to New York? Like I couldn't figure out where this, you know, upstate y life is versus the city. Because it seems very close. [00:10:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:59] Speaker A: All right. The. We get the awkward family greetings. Lots of hugging, lots of over hugging. You know, welcoming immediately. And the traditions start to reveal themselves. [00:11:14] Speaker B: And the whole family is assuming that this is someone she's been seeing for longer than a half an hour. She has brought this person to Christmas. So everyone's under the assumption. And he realizes quite quickly that this is the case. And he's been sort of duped. [00:11:26] Speaker A: Yes. [00:11:26] Speaker B: That he's like a pseudo boyfriend, not a date. She has not been honest with her family. [00:11:31] Speaker A: And this is another theme that you will see in Hallmark movies. Like, the random dude, you're going to be my date. And that's a. That's a whole thing. But this is where it gets kinky. They're realizing, like, this is a little bit funky. We better come up with a safe word. [00:11:45] Speaker B: Yes. They're like, I couldn't believe. I was like, language from the BDSM community is in this Hallmark movie. Do they not know where safeword came from? I don't. [00:11:57] Speaker A: I don't know. Yeah. We've got bondage, discipline, S and M. They need a fucking safe word. And they come up with rhubarb pie. Okay. Rhubarb pie. You can't get any cleaner than that. [00:12:10] Speaker B: No. [00:12:11] Speaker A: All right. So they come up with rhubarb pie. That's a safe word. It's also because Marcus, the stepfather, that's his specialty. [00:12:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:19] Speaker A: Okay. That'll come in later as well. The family starts to show up. We meet the older brother. He, I think is on. There's something off with this guy. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:29] Speaker A: He doesn't seem too. Too with it. And then she arrives. [00:12:35] Speaker B: Aunt Lily. Ugh. Aunt Lily. Mimi Cusick. Somehow the mediocrity of the genre doesn't stain her. [00:12:44] Speaker A: No. [00:12:44] Speaker B: I don't know how she does it. I don't know how. Because these people, it's hard enough to watch them acting. And then it's worse to watch them acting like they're acting. It's just like. But she is unscathed by the banality of the. I don't. I mean, it's amazing. It's called. [00:12:58] Speaker A: I think she's a good actress. [00:12:59] Speaker B: Okay. [00:13:00] Speaker A: You know what I mean? And I feel like she's probably from the theater. I don't know much about her, but she's that good. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:06] Speaker A: That we buy that. She's this insane Christmas Olympics aunt and. [00:13:12] Speaker B: She'S fucking her Uber driver. Also very spicy. I'm like. That's like me in the 2010s. God, girl. [00:13:19] Speaker A: Yes. She is doing her Uber driver, which apparently there is only one in the entire. Yeah. Okay. [00:13:25] Speaker B: And it's like she's trying to hide a relationship that clearly is something more, which is the opposite of what Jesse is doing, is trying to make something more out of a relationship that isn't. It was interesting parallel. [00:13:35] Speaker A: And. And meanwhile, the Uber driver has no lines. No, but we. We know what's going on. Okay. They. The first order of the Christmas Olympics is they have to go on a. [00:13:46] Speaker B: Star hunt, find this piece of trash star. Can it not be something nice? Like, it's just a piece of garbage? But, yeah, they have to find the star. [00:13:56] Speaker A: Okay. So it's a whole sort of. What do they call that thing? [00:13:58] Speaker B: Like a scavenger hunt? [00:14:00] Speaker A: Yeah. So a whole scavenger hunt. They're going through the whole house. The house was actually pretty cute for these things. Anyway, they're going through the house, and of course, Brian goes into the kitchens talking to Marcus. Now, Marcus as the stepdad. I'm sorry. He is giving high queen energy. [00:14:19] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I was about it. I was like, who does this? Oh, ginger mint. That is who he reminds me of. And I'm a huge fan. But, yeah, Marcus has a collection of aprons. He's very festive. He's running the whole show in the kitchen. Yeah. [00:14:33] Speaker A: So these are couture aprons. He's like, let me show you my collection of aprons. First sign. And then Brian, of course, finds the star in the apron. So Brian, ding, ding, ding, out of the gate. He's number one for the Christmas Olympics. Let's see. They find the star. We find out there's seven events that are on a competition wheel, and we land on the first one. [00:15:00] Speaker B: Rap battle. [00:15:01] Speaker A: Okay. Thank you, whoever wrote these. I'm glad. I'm very happy. [00:15:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:06] Speaker A: Okay, so rap battle, which is W, R, A P, is the first one, and they have to kind of rap something, right? So anything. And of course, he doesn't know how to rap. And it's like a tennis racket. And she's like, no, that's. No, you're not gonna do that. I forget what the. I don't know what that. [00:15:25] Speaker B: Yeah, but he's like, hold my beer and wraps it as if it were a rectangle or something. Yeah. I was not impressed. [00:15:31] Speaker A: But no, no. And Aunt Lily keeps calling him Newbie. I love that. Because he's new to the house. Anyway, Newbie goes first. She gets some glitter on her face. Huh. You know? [00:15:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And he's already been in for. He thought that she smelled like one of these warm heart candles. And he got pretty close and told her she smelled amazing. I mean, the, the tension is building. They're having these cute moments. [00:15:54] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. She's like, oh, no, that's a toasted marshmallow candle. Candles are definitely. Yeah. Okay. [00:16:02] Speaker B: We also have realized at this point that who we thought was her friend is her sister in law. Right? [00:16:06] Speaker A: Yes, exactly. [00:16:07] Speaker B: She's at that. Because that was not. I don't know why they didn't set that up. [00:16:10] Speaker A: It was, that was all very weird. And then like when the family comes in, you don't know who is who and that's all a little confusing. Okay. The brother reveals the that his wife owns the candle store that we find out Brian has to develop and evict. [00:16:26] Speaker B: Yeah. And Brian finds this out as well. [00:16:30] Speaker A: Yes. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Yeah. So now he's in turmoil. [00:16:33] Speaker A: He's starting to like these people already. And he realizes Warm heart's candle ain't long for this world. [00:16:42] Speaker B: It's gonna be a cold day for the warm hearts when they're on the street. [00:16:45] Speaker A: It is going to be a spirit Halloween soon enough. Ok. We go to where, oh, she finds her mystery cardigan because somehow it fell into, I think her luggage suitcase. Yeah, yeah, her suitcase. We see. [00:17:00] Speaker B: Gives it a winsome glance and then we move on. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Yep. He calls his colleague who's always like doing something Christmassy. And Brian reveals that he likes her. So pretty much out of the gate he's like, I like this. [00:17:13] Speaker B: Yes, she's cute. And prompt. [00:17:14] Speaker A: And prompt and prompt. Okay. The Christmas Olympics begin. I don't know. For me, they've been beginning. Brian and Shelley talk about the candle business. Oh, this is funny. And she tells them it's not just a store, it's a community. She gives art lessons. [00:17:37] Speaker B: Charity events. [00:17:38] Speaker A: Charity events. Meet and greets. Sip and pours. This is not just a store, Lauren. [00:17:44] Speaker B: Mm. [00:17:45] Speaker A: Mm. This is a lifestyle. [00:17:46] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. And a pillar. [00:17:48] Speaker A: A pillar of the community. [00:17:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:50] Speaker A: And what would society be without warm heart candles? [00:17:55] Speaker B: I mean, it would devolve into chaos. [00:17:57] Speaker A: Surely it would be one of those dystopian, you know. [00:18:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:01] Speaker A: Yes. Okay. All right. They spin the wheel. We have a bake off. This is kind of cute. They have to do a baking thing which is going to be judged later for dessert. For dessert. I like that. Chaos begins. [00:18:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Flowers flying, ingredients are everywhere. How anyone could have this bake off in a single kitchen where also Marcus has cordoned off his section of it. Like this Is absolutely impossible. [00:18:24] Speaker A: Yeah, you can't come over here. You can only work over here. [00:18:29] Speaker B: And he gets stuck in his apron. Did you think untying the apron knot, that she might go for it with her teeth? I was so. I was like, I mean, listen, we have a safe word. Like, this is getting sexy. I thought she was gonna use her teeth to untie that apron. And it was gonn really hot. [00:18:42] Speaker A: But okay, so the. The apron was tied pretty low around his waist. Yes. And I think you're right. I think when Mark was watching it, he was like, that's pretty low. And that's pretty risque for Hallmark, because trust, I would go right there. [00:18:57] Speaker B: You know what I mean? [00:18:58] Speaker A: We're already there. [00:19:00] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. Yeah. [00:19:01] Speaker A: Okay. But no safe word needed yet. There's something with popsicle sticks. I don't know if that comes back. Oh, yes, there's popsicle sticks that during the rap wrapping contest, the little boy used popsicle sticks, but they've run out, so they have to go and get more. [00:19:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Because what is Christmas without popsicle sticks? I mean, so they go on their market walk. [00:19:28] Speaker A: They go on their market walk. Here we go. [00:19:30] Speaker B: We got a market walk. Yeah. [00:19:31] Speaker A: He reveals that the development company builds affordable housing and. Let's see. [00:19:39] Speaker B: And that he doesn't really know if he wants to be the CEO because he likes to get. He likes to get in there with the blueprints and the guys on the ground, you know, watching over from his high tower isn't really for him. [00:19:49] Speaker A: Yeah. You know what? I screwed up. They buy the tree. And she zeros in on a popsicle stick ornament that she made when she was a kid. [00:19:58] Speaker B: Oh, that's right. Yes. [00:19:59] Speaker A: And she says, you should have one because he shows her, like, a image of. [00:20:03] Speaker B: Okay. He pulls a full 4 by 6 photograph out of his wallet. It's so weird and it's kind of crumpled up. He's like, here's a. Like a full size photograph that I've shoved into my wallet of me and my grandparents. So you did have a family. [00:20:18] Speaker A: Yes, at some point. [00:20:19] Speaker B: But I guess. [00:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I apologize. That's why they have to go look for the popsicle sticks. Okay. And of course, they make these frames. Immediately the grandfather arrives with this whole, like, well, he's so eccentric. Meanwhile, all he does is sleep. Yeah, he wasn't that interesting. [00:20:35] Speaker B: I mean, he makes a, well, I don't know, pithy comment about how Brian is taller than Sean. [00:20:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:43] Speaker B: This is the first mention by name of Shawn, who we know. But she's been wearing this engagement ring on the other hand. So we know she was engaged, but now we have a name, and it's Shawn and grandpa. Just whatever lets it fly. [00:20:58] Speaker A: He just wants to eat. Okay. We go back to the Christmas Olympics. Aunt Lily reveals that she is indeed banging the Uber driver. And they're all like, yeah, we knew. Okay. The wheel spins and it lands on the ubiquitous snowball fight. More chaos ensues. They all run outside. [00:21:19] Speaker B: How rabid and insanely devoted to this snowball fight these people are. Was a little alarmed. They're screaming, cheering. Maybe a little bit of slow motion. They have maniacal smile. It's just. [00:21:30] Speaker A: Yep, yep, yep. [00:21:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:32] Speaker A: And of course you think Brian's gonna win, but she has one left, and. [00:21:40] Speaker B: She'S lying and cheating and her moral compasses. [00:21:44] Speaker A: Okay. We go back to Brian. He calls his colleague. He reveals that the draft letter for the eviction is gonna go out. Was it Christmas Eve? It's going out. Yes. Yes. [00:21:54] Speaker B: And it's been sent to the lawyers. [00:21:55] Speaker A: So what can we do? [00:21:57] Speaker B: That's it. [00:21:58] Speaker A: What can we do? [00:21:59] Speaker B: The ship has sailed. [00:22:00] Speaker A: It's December 24th. By warm heart candles. All right. We go to the daughter. Finally. Somebody Googles this guy. [00:22:12] Speaker B: Someone has some sense. Yeah. And he has no online presence. [00:22:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:22:16] Speaker B: And she. And there are no photos of the two of them. [00:22:18] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:22:19] Speaker B: This little. The daughter is like a touchstone of reality in this. [00:22:23] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:22:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:24] Speaker A: This is the problem with these movies in this day and age. Because nobody. Like, computers don't exist or something. That would be the first thing I did. [00:22:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Who is this? [00:22:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:33] Speaker A: Okay. Because there's a lot of, like, we let a stranger in our home. [00:22:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:37] Speaker B: And the mom suddenly goes from, like, Susie Homemaker anywhere USA to, like, Long Island. She's like, I don't understand. Like, the Broadway. [00:22:44] Speaker A: How could you do this? [00:22:44] Speaker B: How could you do this to us? It's great. [00:22:46] Speaker A: Who is this guy? You know nothing about him. Okay. We spin the wheel and it's a couple's quiz. Which is weird when you've got children like. Yeah, it's that. That didn't work. They, of course, lose terribly. [00:23:00] Speaker B: They get everything wrong. But it's only. It's. It's. It's yes or no. [00:23:04] Speaker A: Quite. [00:23:04] Speaker B: You got a 50. 50 chance of getting it right. It's gloves versus mittens. And what type of skiing do you enjoy Exactly? There's only two. [00:23:11] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:11] Speaker B: There's not like dressage skiing or something. I've never heard of downhill and cross country. It's so like, the odds of them getting everything wrong are actually exactly in their favor. [00:23:21] Speaker A: Except when it's like, what is your favorite dessert? And he mistakenly says, well, that's rhubarb pie. [00:23:29] Speaker B: The safe word. [00:23:30] Speaker A: And everyone is like. [00:23:34] Speaker B: She'S allergic to rhubarb. He doesn't know her at all. [00:23:38] Speaker A: Yeah, who is this? All right. They both go out to the porch. She's like, why don't you have any online presence? The mom comes out, wants to know, who is this man? But the mother says, but you seem smitten. You know, she sees it. [00:23:55] Speaker B: Yeah. There's just. There's a moment of uproar. And then they really just take it in stride. Except for the daughter, who is like, you have let a stranger into this house, and if you get murdered, like, that's on you. [00:24:05] Speaker A: All right. Finally, we go in to eat. So again, all is well. They just go in to eat. Marcus gives a really long, boring toast about family. He needs something from the kitchen. Brian says he's gonna go in, and he sees a picture, a family photo, finally, with Jesse, with this Sean. Okay. We go back to the Christmas Olympics. It's a woods walk. You love these walks. [00:24:30] Speaker B: Yep. We're going on the promenade. [00:24:31] Speaker A: Yep. And then finally, we hear about Shawn from Jesse's mouth. [00:24:36] Speaker B: She starts telling this cute story, and I'm like, he better be dead for you to be like, I took him on his first roller coaster. Like, if this is just an ex and you're going into this detail of your former meet cute with the ex. But he is, in fact, dead dead. I was like, good girl. Cause that's the only reason you should be telling the story like that. [00:24:52] Speaker A: Dead. Not only dead, but, like, hospital dead. [00:24:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:58] Speaker A: And we don't even know why. Just dead. [00:25:01] Speaker B: He didn't feel well, and then he was dead, is the report that we get. Poor Sean, poor Shawn, poor Jesse. And this was a year ago. [00:25:10] Speaker A: Thank you. Only a year ago. [00:25:11] Speaker B: Yeah. Some people die. People get evicted. I mean, Christmas is a really, really rough time. Fraught time. [00:25:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Yep. Um, but I just love that he didn't feel well and, like, two months later, he was dead. I just love it. [00:25:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:26] Speaker A: Nothing. Of course we're not gonna say it could be. It could be. [00:25:29] Speaker B: It could be. [00:25:30] Speaker A: Or it was. It was. It was. No, just dead. Okay. And then she realizes she needs time. So she's starting to have feelings for this girl. [00:25:39] Speaker B: She realizes now, but she went on. We saw her go on five damn dates in the opening of the thing. Okay. [00:25:44] Speaker A: Yes. So she's confused And I think a little hoe. And. But maybe when it gets real, that's when she gets a little scared. Okay. He calls. [00:25:57] Speaker B: He calls to try to stop the eviction. [00:25:58] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:59] Speaker B: But it's too late. [00:26:02] Speaker A: Don says the letter is probably out already. He gets concerned. He sees Jesse, but rhubarb highs her ass. Meanwhile. Oh, that's what it is. He calls out the safe word. Oh. When they go in for a little bit of a kiss, they're getting too close. And I wrote he. Rhubarb pies harass. I didn't even know what that meant. [00:26:30] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:31] Speaker A: But now I realize he uses the safe words he'd like. We gotta get out of this. They embrace. They're about to kiss. [00:26:39] Speaker B: And kiss us. Interrupt us. Which is a real feature of this. [00:26:44] Speaker A: Kisses interrupt us. I love that. And it's by our friend Aunt Lily. She cockblocks the whole thing just by. [00:26:52] Speaker B: Ringing some damn jingle bells. I mean, it's always, like a quietest noise. [00:26:56] Speaker A: She's got a good reason. First of all, she is the head of the Christmas Olympics. She comes up with these. And it is time for the Bake off judging. So, yeah. [00:27:04] Speaker B: So she's like, yeah, you're not going anywhere. [00:27:06] Speaker A: Yeah. So kisses. [00:27:07] Speaker B: And I would listen to her. I would do anything she said. Aunt Lily forever. [00:27:10] Speaker A: Yep. Brian wins again during this fabulous judging. The sister, I think her name is Sheila. [00:27:19] Speaker B: Oh, Shelley, Shelley, Shelley. [00:27:22] Speaker A: Shelley gets the email. [00:27:23] Speaker B: She gets the eviction on Christmas Eve. [00:27:27] Speaker A: Meanwhile, nobody has been on any kind of device except for the daughter. So all of a sudden you hear. [00:27:33] Speaker B: And then also weirdly, Jesse's then like, can I see? Can I see the eviction email? [00:27:38] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:27:39] Speaker B: And then says, wait, I know that development company. [00:27:41] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:42] Speaker B: So she's now put it together. [00:27:44] Speaker A: I recognize the logo. Okay. We find out Warm Heart Candles is being evicted by a developer. She knows who it is. We cut to. [00:27:58] Speaker B: He's in the house. The development is coming from inside the house. [00:28:03] Speaker A: Run. We cut to the Christmas Olympics, and it's time for Carol Oakey. [00:28:10] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:28:11] Speaker A: Carol Oakey. Rap battle. Come on. I love these. [00:28:16] Speaker B: Oh, Snowball, dodgeball. It was bad. Dodge, dodge. Snowball, snow dodge. [00:28:22] Speaker A: I don't even really get the. I think they were all bad. Jesse comes in and exposes that newbie Brian is a developer. And Jesse reveals that he's a blind date. So this is a double whammy coming at the family eviction. Poverty, lies, deception. It's all coming down on Christmas Eve. This is actually when Lily reveals that she's banging the Uber driver. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Cause he. [00:28:57] Speaker A: Yeah, he comes back. [00:28:59] Speaker B: Oh. She's like, well, we'll call him an Uber or something. Like, this guy's just always on the sidelines. Yeah. [00:29:04] Speaker A: And because everybody's sort of admitting something. You know what I mean? Like, I'm the developer. This is a blind date. Warm Heart Candles is getting evicted. I'm fucking the Uber driver. [00:29:16] Speaker B: Not to be outdone, Aunt Lily. [00:29:17] Speaker A: Thank you, Aunt Lily. Okay, they. He takes off. [00:29:23] Speaker B: Yeah. He can't stay there anymore. [00:29:25] Speaker A: No. All right, so we go back to the Olympics. Brian literally gets erased from the scorecard. Like, you are gone, girl. Haley wins. The brother has a drama queen fit about lighting. That brother that was all about the house lights. He storms off. Finally, she goes up to her bedroom. [00:29:48] Speaker B: To read this letter. [00:29:49] Speaker A: Yes, I'll let you take that. [00:29:53] Speaker B: It's from her deceased fiance, saying that the most important thing is for her to be happy. But we all know in this Hallmark, the most important thing is to find love on Christmas. [00:30:04] Speaker A: Yes. [00:30:04] Speaker B: So he, from beyond the grave, is blessing this movie. [00:30:09] Speaker A: Yep. All right, so we go to the city, which we don't know where the city is. And newbie Brian has an idea, and he starts. [00:30:18] Speaker B: He's gotta get these blueprints. [00:30:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:20] Speaker B: It's so ridiculous. The blueprints. [00:30:24] Speaker A: All right. We go to the closing ceremonies. The lights come on. They dance. The Uber driver returns. He actually has a line. Brian returns. So what is the distance? [00:30:37] Speaker B: I don't know, man. It's like Long island to New York. It's like. I don't know. [00:30:41] Speaker A: Where? Queens. [00:30:42] Speaker B: Queens. [00:30:42] Speaker A: That's long. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. [00:30:44] Speaker B: Nobody comes back. He's got the blueprint. He didn't even sort this out. He owns this company, but he's got. He spreads the blueprints out on a table. Like, I can fix this. [00:30:52] Speaker A: Not only that, he needs help with people to clear the table because he has an idea. [00:30:58] Speaker B: Spread out these blueprints. [00:30:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:00] Speaker B: And then he needs Don to come. [00:31:01] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:31:02] Speaker B: Which makes no damn sense. Like, you are CEO. You own 51% of this company or more, you know? [00:31:07] Speaker A: And Don comes in, he's like, well, this better be good because I have Christmas plants. Of course you do. [00:31:11] Speaker B: Yeah, it's Christmas. [00:31:13] Speaker A: But he comes in from the city, and Brian reveals he knows how to save the day. He is, after all, sort of an architect, engineer type. And he comes up with this Hail Mary idea of just keeping the retail on the main floor and building above. Yeah, girl, I could have come up with this. [00:31:35] Speaker B: It's what's already happening. [00:31:38] Speaker A: It's already there. [00:31:39] Speaker B: So you know what? Let's look at these blueprints. Don't change it. [00:31:42] Speaker A: Exactly, exactly. And Sheila Shelley is like, yes, I can make this work. He comes up with a plan. He's gonna give her a pop up while they're under construction, blah, blah, blah. Jesse. Cut to Jesse. She walks outside, she takes off her ring, and she reveals that Sean just wants her to be happy. [00:32:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And she is, in fact, ready for love. [00:32:10] Speaker A: Brian and Jesse kiss, and the whole family. [00:32:14] Speaker B: The whole family, nary a jacket is just standing on the porch behind them watching them. It's so weird. [00:32:24] Speaker A: They kiss again and all is well. [00:32:29] Speaker B: And he says, can I take you out next week? And this closing bit was a little bit cute. And she was like, wait, did you just agree to a first date on New Year's Eve? We're doing it. [00:32:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:32:41] Speaker B: Cause that is also a high pressure situation. So it's like, ooh, sequel. [00:32:44] Speaker A: Yes. [00:32:45] Speaker B: Like, yeah, but it's all right. [00:32:47] Speaker A: I mean, that's okay. [00:32:48] Speaker B: I kind of like that. [00:32:49] Speaker A: And that's how it ends. Okay, what did you think? [00:32:54] Speaker B: Well, once again, I was glad that we weren't going to like 1905. I've just sort of strayed ahead, but, you know, really, really mediocre. Just so bad and a little bit of so bad. It's good, but mostly so bad. [00:33:12] Speaker A: It was bad. [00:33:13] Speaker B: It was bad. [00:33:14] Speaker A: Okay, so what do you think they got right? What did they get wrong? [00:33:18] Speaker B: So they were cute and they did have some chemistry. I did. I liked those little moments. I mean, they hit all the Hallmark beats. We forgot to mention the kooky violin player who. [00:33:29] Speaker A: I don't remember him. [00:33:30] Speaker B: Oh, the. [00:33:31] Speaker A: Oh, yes, yes, yes. [00:33:32] Speaker B: The kooky violin player on their market walk who they literally collide into each other. So I was like, okay, we got an empty coffee cup. We got a collision. You know, they had these cute little touch points that I'm learning to look for. And they did have that daughter being like, you've got a stranger from the Internet in our family's home. Do you not listen to true crime girl? There was actually a voice of reason, so I thought that was good from. [00:33:57] Speaker A: A 10 year old. [00:33:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:58] Speaker A: What did they get really wrong? [00:34:02] Speaker B: Oh, well, the other thing they got right is hiring Mimi. [00:34:05] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:05] Speaker B: Kunis. I cusick forever. Cusick. What they got wrong is that Christmas should be canceled if a woman in her 30s doesn't have a man. I mean, that was just so bleak. They're like, scrap the whole thing. You old maid. You lost your husband a year ago, but, like, where's the next penis by your side? We don't want Christmas. [00:34:27] Speaker A: Otherwise I don't exist. I don't exist without a man. [00:34:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:31] Speaker A: Okay. For me, what they got right was I actually like this movie. It held my attention. I was like, this is classic. It's one step above. And I did like this film. What I think they got wrong was the random city in the beginning, because we really don't know where they are. [00:34:48] Speaker B: Just give us the New York skyline. Like, why not? [00:34:50] Speaker A: And there was no meet cute. It wasn't really a meet cute at all. [00:34:55] Speaker B: No, it was like the. The dating app. [00:34:59] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Heavens forbid. Yeah, you're right. There was no meet cute. [00:35:02] Speaker A: So those things I didn't like. Would you fuck either of these two? [00:35:06] Speaker B: You know, I was gonna say no, but there was some moment where from some angle, I had the literal thought, oh, he has a sittable face. So I would. Yeah, I would give that. I'd give that a try. [00:35:18] Speaker A: Okay. Shockingly, I would do both of them. [00:35:21] Speaker B: Okay. [00:35:22] Speaker A: I thought she was funny. [00:35:23] Speaker B: Well, you already know the safe word. So things couldn't get both at the same time. [00:35:27] Speaker A: I know the safe word. Her hair didn't bug me that much. You know, it was. She was okay. I thought she had sort of good comic timing, and I liked her pluckiness. Now could we have a relationship based on her fiber optics marketing? I'm not sure. [00:35:44] Speaker B: She's also. She lies. [00:35:46] Speaker A: She lies. She was okay. And him I actually thought was really. I think he's really cute and really likable. So I love this guy. So, yes, I would do both of them. Shocking. All right, and lastly, who would you play? [00:36:04] Speaker B: So this is one. I thought you were gonna say that crazy violin player who's, like, spinning out of control was very fun. Also, the daughter who is like, y'. All, this is. He has no online. Like, she's appropriately. She responds appropriately to this baddie situation. [00:36:24] Speaker A: Okay, good. [00:36:25] Speaker B: That's not who you replay. [00:36:26] Speaker A: I thought you were gonna say Aunt Lily. [00:36:27] Speaker B: Oh, I would love to walk in Mimi Kunis shoes. [00:36:32] Speaker A: Maybe there's a world where you could play her daughter. Okay. [00:36:35] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:36:36] Speaker A: I would play the Uber driver. [00:36:38] Speaker B: Okay. [00:36:39] Speaker A: You know, like, kind of. I kind of look like one to begin with. So I think that I would definitely want to play the Uber driver with one line, but is actually A through. Like, you cannot have this movie without this Uber driver. No. Because he is the only one. [00:36:54] Speaker B: Yeah. And I mean, the goal of shagging aunt Lily is. That's aspirational. She's awesome. [00:37:00] Speaker A: All right. Let's leave it at that. My ho ho hoes. Thank you so much for joining us. That was the wrap of a twas the date before christmas. Lauren kinchelo, thank you as always. And let's give a good bye Bye. Where we are.