Label Queen The Hallmark Episodes

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Label Queen. The Hallmark episodes where we roast and toast the best and the worst of the Hallmark holiday movies. And there are so many. And we're having so much fun. I could not do this by myself. So along for this cozy ride, this sugar filled ride is writer, comedian, producer Lauren Kinchela. Lauren, welcome. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:00:38] Speaker A: We are having fun. All right, so something happened to me the other day. I met this guy who was. [00:00:44] Speaker B: Did he bump into you and spill your coffee? [00:00:47] Speaker A: Okay, I wish. I could only wish. Um, but anyway, I met this guy, straight guy, lovely family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Turns out he loves Hallmark holiday movies. And then he told me that his neighbor, a retired detective, straight, married, loves Hallmark movies. [00:01:10] Speaker B: Wow. [00:01:11] Speaker A: So have you been watching these with your husband? [00:01:13] Speaker B: He's seen three, I think. [00:01:16] Speaker A: Okay. And what does. What does he think of these? [00:01:18] Speaker B: I mean, he. He's really. He's a little bit my secret weapon. Because he's got snarky commentary. Yes. In the love to hate, love to hate capacity. He's here for it. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Okay. That's what we all are. All right. Hopefully. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:31] Speaker A: But I think they really liked it. I think there might be a whole subset of straight male who's into Hallmark holiday movies, which I had no idea. I thought it was women and gay men. [00:01:41] Speaker B: Yeah. But like, everyone needs a little hot cocoa with marshmallows. Even the straight boys, I suppose. [00:01:47] Speaker A: And an empty cup. [00:01:48] Speaker B: And an empty cup. [00:01:49] Speaker A: I love it. I love it. All right. An empty cup and a full heart. [00:01:52] Speaker B: Hey. [00:01:53] Speaker A: Okay. All right, let's get into this one. All right, here we go. You ready? [00:01:58] Speaker B: Yeah, as I'll ever be. [00:02:00] Speaker A: This is called Christmas above the Cloud. We could not go back, but we do have a workaholic CEO called Ella Neer, so we know immediately where this is going to. She is so Scrooge. Like she's nicknamed Krampus at work. I love that she decides to fly to Australia to skip Christmas. Smart girl. You're like you're in the air for. [00:02:25] Speaker B: 20 hours, kind of. We're dealing with time travel and yet another one. [00:02:28] Speaker A: Exactly. All right. During the flight, she encounters three spirits. A flight attendant. That's a lot. A pilot and an air marshal who has no lines. I felt so bad for that guy. [00:02:39] Speaker B: But he was. [00:02:41] Speaker A: He was good. [00:02:41] Speaker B: Fine specimen. Yeah. [00:02:42] Speaker A: All right. They show her her life and force her to confront her choices. She also has an unexpected reunion with her ex fiance Jake, who is on the same flight. The movie follows the classic A Christmas Carol storyline with a modern hollow. Was it really modern. A little bit, I guess with a modern holiday theme twist. The spirits guide. So it was a Christmas Carol. It was a holiday. [00:03:11] Speaker B: Yes, Christmas carol. [00:03:13] Speaker A: The spirits guide Ella to see the impact of her workaholism. Is that a term? [00:03:19] Speaker B: Sure. [00:03:19] Speaker A: Okay. Workaholism. And the journey helps her rediscover the true meaning of Christmas and find love again with Jake. This film stars Aaron Krakow as Elynezer. I will laugh every time I say that. And Tyler Hines as Jake. Okay, those are. Let's get into it. First, first thoughts. [00:03:45] Speaker B: Well, I do think they hired a comedian because there were some jokes. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Interesting. [00:03:50] Speaker B: There were some jokes. Were they all good? No, it was sort of. Some of my favorite moments were the writing and then some of the worst moments also the writing. Okay. [00:03:59] Speaker A: All right. I like that. And you'll point those out because you are a writer. So thank God for that. Okay. We open with the ubiquitous New York skyline. Whenever these open with the New York skyline, which is 90% of them, you. [00:04:12] Speaker B: Know, we're getting out of there. [00:04:13] Speaker A: We're getting out of there. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Someone's gotta get out of New York. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Yep. Get outta New York. It's a hardened career minded, career obsessed. [00:04:22] Speaker B: And then the first shot is her shoes. Her mean stiletto shoes. [00:04:26] Speaker A: Oh, and the tweets and the texts are flying back and forth. They're all on slack. Here she comes. It's that devil wears Prada. Big business entrance. You only see her feet, you know, click clack, click clack, click clack. She means business. And everyone is, of course, you know, scared to as hell like to see this woman. We get a close up of the sign. It's called get. [00:04:51] Speaker B: Yeah. Great expectations Travel. [00:04:54] Speaker A: Okay. [00:04:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:55] Speaker A: So that's our first clue. Yeah. Yeah. And our first sort of thievery of intense. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Just everything. Dickens must go. Like we're doing A Christmas Carol. But we've also got Oliver Twist. We've got. I mean, it's just a real Milan. [00:05:10] Speaker A: We are throwing it all in. We see her name, it's Ela Neezer now. Ebenezer Scrooge. [00:05:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Ebenezer's one name, not two. But it's a. Yeah, I'm gonna give it to him. I didn't mind it. [00:05:24] Speaker A: But a last name. Neezer. That's not good. [00:05:27] Speaker B: And also, why is everyone calling her Ms. Neezer? She's obviously a Ms. Miz Kneezer. I was really, I really bumped on that. I was like, this woman is no Miss. She's Miss. [00:05:38] Speaker A: Okay? And she means business. We walk in on a pitch, of course she Hates it. [00:05:44] Speaker B: Romantic. [00:05:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes, it's romantic. It's a pitch for her. She has sort of a travel agency. Yeah, okay. [00:05:52] Speaker B: Which, I mean, you would think it was an ad agency working for the travel company, but it's okay. [00:05:57] Speaker A: You would think that this is like a Fortune 500, but she really is a travel agent. Ultimately, it just that none of that made sense anyway. She's got, of course, her minions, they pitch her. She hates it. She's a high powered single woman. She wants to see that reflected in the advertising. But they're like, but it's love. It's Christmas. And she's like, no. High powered single woman. That's my objective. You have two days to pull it together. And then. [00:06:25] Speaker B: But it's Christmas. [00:06:26] Speaker A: But it's Christmas. Not where I'm going. Cause she knows she's getting on a plane, right? So she doesn't care. She's on a plane for 20 hours. Christmas doesn't matter. December 25th does not matter to her. Because when she lands, it's December 26th. Am I right in saying that? [00:06:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. [00:06:48] Speaker A: Bobby, her assistant, gives her a gift. She's like, what? And she just does not want this gift anyway. It's a frame, right? It's a frame of her and her old boss. [00:07:02] Speaker B: Yes. Her mentor. [00:07:03] Speaker A: Her mentor. Okay. Then the staff starts complaining and she. [00:07:08] Speaker B: Asks, is it silver? And Bobby defeatedly says, plated. [00:07:11] Speaker A: Well, Bobby can't afford a lot. [00:07:13] Speaker B: No, she's got a sick child. [00:07:15] Speaker A: She has a sick child, of course, called Tim. We all know where that's going. So Bobby gives her the gift. The staff is complaining because she keeps it so cold. She's a heat miser in corporate America. She controls the heat. She keeps it at 55 degrees. Her sister calls her. I think her sister's name is Francis as well. Yeah, there's like a lot in France. [00:07:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. Her sister calls, did you get my gift? And she's like. And it's in the trash. This is serious. [00:07:51] Speaker B: Not pull punches. [00:07:52] Speaker A: No. She threw that wreath away. Like, I think. [00:07:56] Speaker B: And Francis, like, did you throw it away again? [00:07:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:58] Speaker B: Cut to the trash can. It's pretty great. [00:08:00] Speaker A: And that's where it is. She won't give money to the doorman. She won't give money to the custodial staff. [00:08:08] Speaker B: No bonuses for anybody. She's got a company to run. And, yeah, generosity is not how you do that. [00:08:15] Speaker A: But meanwhile, she's like, I gotta go. I have a flight to catch. I'm going to the airport. She gets off the elevator, she's confronted by carolers who are just randomly in. [00:08:25] Speaker B: The hall, also in full, like, garb and singing four part harmony. [00:08:33] Speaker A: She runs to the airport. Bobby can't find her scarf, and Bobby. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Has to go with her. So Bobby has to miss Christmas with her family. Right, so she's dragging Bobby to the airport and. Yeah, and get my ruby scarf. [00:08:45] Speaker A: Yes. And she's also leaving her sick son. Yeah. So Bobby really has a lot on her plate. My ruby scarf. They get to the airport, Bobby cannot find it, but she gives her another one, and she says, that's burgundy, crimson or claret, not ruby. Like, she is pissed. [00:09:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:07] Speaker A: This woman knows her colors. She knows the scarf she wants, and she's pissed. All right. So of course there's so much to say. Bobby is in coach. She's in first class. They run into Nick, her ex fiance. [00:09:24] Speaker B: Is in the airport. He's, like, at security with them. [00:09:26] Speaker A: Right, right. We know where that's going. She gets on board and is immediately assaulted by not only a gay flight attendant, but the king of the gay flight attendants. This guy is the leader of the gay flight attendant who is so aggressive. [00:09:48] Speaker B: He's singing, doing, like, runs, like, in her face, in her ear. I mean, he's so much. [00:09:55] Speaker A: He's got antler things on his back. [00:09:57] Speaker B: Glowing balls about his neck. [00:09:58] Speaker A: Yeah, he is a lot. And I have to say, even if I was elinizor, I would be like, girl, no. Like, stop. We can't. I would walk to Australia if that was my flight attendant, who, by the way, he's the only flight attendant on this entire airspace that isn't a ghost. That is not a ghost. Spoiler alert. Okay. And also, this plane is weird. There's a lot of sharp edges on it. Like, I was nervous for the safety of everybody on this flight. You know what I mean? [00:10:33] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And the sanity with the flight attendant running around crooning. [00:10:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And the first class was not that glam. It didn't seem like the beds went down. Like, I don't know. I was mad at all of it. All right. Then the Australian pilot gets on. Was that a bit terrible? [00:10:50] Speaker B: That was terrible. I mean, I enjoyed it. [00:10:53] Speaker A: The Australian pilot gets on. He announces, well, we'll get to that. Bobby's in coach. Okay, this is the best part. As somebody who has flown every which way, they always show coach like, it's the unwashed masses, Right? [00:11:12] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I love this part too. [00:11:14] Speaker A: And she's sitting next to a woman who is eating sardines. [00:11:18] Speaker B: Sardines. And offering them across across laps. Sardine. [00:11:25] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, so Air Sydney is really freaky. I mean, you've got. Don't fly coach because someone is eating sardines. Oh, that poor woman. We're gonna get back to her, by the way. [00:11:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:38] Speaker A: Okay. All right. She gets Bobby, gets a call from her sick son. She didn't get to say goodbye to him because she had to find that. [00:11:50] Speaker B: Damn scarf, that ruby scarf. [00:11:53] Speaker A: So she did not get to say goodbye to her sick son or little. [00:11:57] Speaker B: Timmy who's ailing from asthma. I guess they didn't want to go too dark. Like what? Like life threatening asthma. Is that a thing? [00:12:08] Speaker A: Think so. [00:12:08] Speaker B: I don't think so either. And I think he's got an inhaler. [00:12:12] Speaker A: I think they could have gone. He also has like a wig on. Like, it's so weird. So weird. [00:12:19] Speaker B: That was an unsettling trial. [00:12:21] Speaker A: Yeah. He's also a terrible actor. [00:12:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Dead in the eyes. [00:12:26] Speaker A: Just terrible. And they all treat him like he literally is on death. [00:12:31] Speaker B: Bones will break with any time. Yeah, it's. [00:12:35] Speaker A: I have worse asthma, Tim. I mean, come on. Okay. Of course Jake is on the flight. Somehow he got into first class. Did you catch that? [00:12:44] Speaker B: Was there? No. Did they try to explain that? Because he's running a charity for children. [00:12:49] Speaker A: Right. [00:12:49] Speaker B: And why is he going to Australia? He's got like a local charity, but he's going to give a talk in Australia. None of that made any damn sense. [00:12:55] Speaker A: And I love these things because they're always so you. It's just sort of vague. He's going to Australia for a child advocacy group to talk about child advocacy around the world. They bicker because they once loved each other. They bicker. [00:13:15] Speaker B: And then asking him to switch. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:13:17] Speaker B: Can't you just switch? [00:13:18] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. She doesn't want to sit next to him. Yeah. And he's like, no, I want to see this. You know? And he's like. Then they go back and forth. And then Oliver pops up. Oliver is a child that's sitting in front with really weird hair. And ask them if they would give him a math problem. [00:13:40] Speaker B: Yeah. A scream. So we've got the sardine lady. And then we're gonna have an annoying child. But this is like an annoying child prodigy. Like, is that more annoying than a regular child? I mean, I guess. [00:13:51] Speaker A: Thank you. Like a math problem. That's what you want. And of course Nick is like, I'll give you one. [00:13:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:57] Speaker A: And he is happy. [00:13:58] Speaker B: And he makes a list of math problems. But. And he does that. Oh, and he threatens to switch with that annoying math problem child. He's like, did you want to switch? And she's like, no, that would be a fate worse than my ex would be this. And then instead he writes out problems for the kid who will then shut up. [00:14:14] Speaker A: Yes. All right. So they're about to take off, and the screens come on. And lo and behold, Marlene comes on the screen. [00:14:24] Speaker B: Marlene. And that's our girl. Yes, that's our girl from the house sitter. Yes, The Christmas sitter. Yes, that's. That's Mrs. DeVito. [00:14:36] Speaker A: This is Davido. [00:14:37] Speaker B: I like her. I was happy to see her. I'm glad. She's a Hallmark darling. [00:14:41] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. You'll see that. I mean, this was a good part for her because she really different. [00:14:46] Speaker B: She was the wholesome Italian mama. And this. She was a boss. [00:14:49] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:14:50] Speaker B: She was a lady boss. Yeah, yeah. [00:14:52] Speaker A: She was a bitch. And she's giving the sort of pseudo fake safety video. And Ella is. [00:15:01] Speaker B: My dead mentor is on the screen. [00:15:04] Speaker A: Yes. And Marlene admits, like, you gotta get it together, because I'm not happy. I'm forced. [00:15:12] Speaker B: And this was one of the jokes that I liked. Look at me. I'm wearing polyester. I'm caught dead in something I wouldn't be caught dead in. [00:15:21] Speaker A: Great line. [00:15:21] Speaker B: I liked it. [00:15:22] Speaker A: Great line. I have to say, I was watching with Mark. He liked that one as well. [00:15:26] Speaker B: He liked it. I was like, yes, that's okay. Somebody punch this up. [00:15:30] Speaker A: Yep. And her polyester was sort of like, instead of chain, she had, like, seat belt things around her arms. And, like, she's like, listen, you got to get it together. And she says she was selfish, she didn't enjoy her life, and she missed all of Christmases. Now, don't forget, she was her mentor. So Ella learned everything about the travel industry. [00:15:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:56] Speaker A: From this evil bitch. Okay. She admits that three spirits will visit her. Okay. The annoying pilot comes on in his. Was this a phony Australian act? [00:16:07] Speaker B: Spent a lot of energy wondering. I think he might be legit Australian or. He was doing a pretty good job. [00:16:14] Speaker A: Okay. [00:16:14] Speaker B: I mean, he had unfortunate. Like, he had to say, crikey, crikey. Which is, you know. But I think either Australian or really doing a pretty good job pulling that off. [00:16:24] Speaker A: I have to agree. But he admits that he is going to be doing poetry slam. [00:16:29] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. He's gonna. He used to be. I mean, which, honestly, if you think about a nightmare flight at some. The pilot's gonna start doing slam poetry. Yeah, that's. [00:16:38] Speaker A: No, no. 20 hours. I just wanna watch movies and get Drunk. Yeah. Okay. We get visited by our first spirit, the ghost of Christmas past. She. Did she say something about grind culture? [00:16:52] Speaker B: Yes, they kept saying that and I was like, what? They. They weren't pronouncing the D hard enough for me. I mean, D ever hard enough. [00:17:00] Speaker A: Okay, so it was grind culture. [00:17:02] Speaker B: Yeah, it was grind culture. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. Which is a very today term. She works too hard. Ella works too hard. We're going to show you your past. She acts as if she's a flight attendant. [00:17:12] Speaker B: Yes. [00:17:13] Speaker A: Okay. And this wasn't the woman in the office. Right. This was just a new character. [00:17:17] Speaker B: No, we've never seen her before. [00:17:18] Speaker A: Okay, that was a mistake. [00:17:19] Speaker B: I liked her. [00:17:19] Speaker A: She was plucky, she was cute. Yeah, but that was a mistake. Wouldn't you have people from the office doing this? [00:17:24] Speaker B: Right. Because you've had your mentor. [00:17:25] Speaker A: Right. [00:17:26] Speaker B: So it would track for them to all be figures from your past or present. [00:17:30] Speaker A: Yeah, but okay, now she's new, so we. We go to the past. We. We land at her boarding school. She's crying because her parents are away. Her sister Frances comes in. They do a stupid song. [00:17:43] Speaker B: It's really the worst, that song. [00:17:44] Speaker A: It doesn't make any sense. [00:17:45] Speaker B: Second time we've heard it. [00:17:46] Speaker A: Yeah. And I don't even know. I didn't even write it down because it was so bad doing it. She's. She's working. They're supposed to be young. [00:17:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Their parents have left them at this boarding school, which is like, oh, you're at a boarding school, baby. But they. They're there for the holidays. [00:18:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:02] Speaker B: The parents have better things to do. [00:18:04] Speaker A: She takes her outside, she sees a CGI tree. I kind of like that tree. Oh, wait. Somebody gives her the red scarf. [00:18:11] Speaker B: That's when. That's the original Meet cute. Between her and Jake. [00:18:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:17] Speaker B: That's why that scarf was so. Got it. Yeah. [00:18:20] Speaker A: Okay. [00:18:21] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's fast forward. She's in. She's in boarding school, and then she's at college. And once again, she's just. Her head is down on her studies. You can tell this is a very driven, very academic young woman. [00:18:32] Speaker A: Yes. [00:18:33] Speaker B: And she has fallen asleep in the library in her. It's grad school, so I don't know. [00:18:37] Speaker A: They're in their 20s in horrible wigs. Horrible wigs. And why didn't you just get somebody who was younger to play this? Yeah, that would have made it so much better. Nick is a librarian, but also in. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Grad school, so maybe that's his, like, work study thing. [00:18:55] Speaker A: And they do hit it Off. And there is some cute banter. He gives her the red scarf in front of the CGI tree that. Okay, now it's all making sense. He says, I want to help again. Vague, at risk youth. And she wants to plan vacation. [00:19:11] Speaker B: Yeah. They have their dreams. [00:19:13] Speaker A: They have their dreams. They know what they want right away. He thinks that, you know, they're both really valid options. [00:19:21] Speaker B: Yeah, he. He says, if anybody can do it, you can. They've known each other for five minutes. But he recognizes that she's got the. The drive and the gumption to achieve whatever she wants. [00:19:30] Speaker A: Yep. We transport to a holiday office party where everyone is having fun. We're in another terrible wig, and she's like, but this company. This was a fun party. But the company failed. But she's not connecting. Like, it's okay. Failure happens. [00:19:45] Speaker B: And it's also, the wigs are getting shorter and shorter and shorter as we move. Yeah. [00:19:50] Speaker A: Okay. I'm glad you caught that. Yeah, that. That's important because we land at the. On the bob. Yes. [00:19:57] Speaker B: When you know you've lost your soul and achieved success. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Yep. They dance at the party. They kiss under the mistletoe. We get this crazy Christmas past montage of them really being happy. [00:20:11] Speaker B: Yeah. It's hall. They're decking the Hallmark out of it. Yeah, They're. [00:20:16] Speaker A: They're. They're making. They're wearing matching pajamas. They're making things. [00:20:21] Speaker B: Yeah. They're taking selfies. But also, in these photos that we see, they clearly have a professional photographer. Like, in their house on Christmas morning. [00:20:29] Speaker A: He puts a ring on a gingerbread house. I would be pissed. [00:20:33] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Yeah, right? No, no, that's not my proposal story. Thank you. [00:20:37] Speaker A: Thank you. Anyway, she loves it. Of course. Cause now she's still. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Oh, they're really into Christmas. [00:20:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. And she's still happy. This is so funny. The bob gets more intense. [00:20:48] Speaker B: Yes. Oh, yeah, I was watching. [00:20:50] Speaker A: Okay. We meet Marlene. She goes in for the job of her dreams. Marlene is nasty. She tells her what it is to take to. She tells her what it is to be a boss. We. We get the whole backstory of Marlene, and she just really learns everything from this. Mean, mean, mean. [00:21:09] Speaker B: And Marlene looks at her, and there's a shot of this engagement ring, and she says, I'm gonna need you to not be otherwise engaged. [00:21:17] Speaker A: Brilliant. [00:21:17] Speaker B: So there is no room for anybody but Marlene in her life if she wants to succeed. [00:21:22] Speaker A: That's another good line, actually. [00:21:23] Speaker B: I didn't see there was some good. [00:21:24] Speaker A: Okay, I'm not mad at that one. Then the Bob starts to get more sharper and shorter and more city. We see them arguing. She has deadlines. There's differences. This is the most telling one for me. He's still in a Christmas sweater, but she's in stripes. She's like. She has separated from the Christmas joy. [00:21:51] Speaker B: Cause of course, in this genre, love and Christmas are one and the same. Yeah. You can't have one without the other. You can't have Christmas without love. You can't have love without Christmas. And she is saying no to both of these things, all of it. [00:22:02] Speaker A: Like, her career's more important. She gives the ring back. Okay. [00:22:06] Speaker B: Sets it on the. [00:22:07] Speaker A: Yep. We go to the office. She announces to the staff, we cannot settle for mediocrity. Love her work. Bitch. And that's where we see poor Bobby. She gets berated by her. Like, no, if you want this job, you have to do this. By the way, Bobby is pretty. [00:22:26] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:22:27] Speaker A: And she could. She could have an onlyfans. Like, there's. [00:22:31] Speaker B: There's other ways to get Timmy's inhaler. It's not that dire. [00:22:36] Speaker A: Uh huh. And that's where we flashback. And poor Tim is laying on a sofa. Wow. And he is really, really sick. And I honestly thought it was like cancer. Leukemia. It's asthma. [00:22:50] Speaker B: It's asthma. [00:22:51] Speaker A: Okay. All right. She reports. She transports back to the coach. [00:22:56] Speaker B: Now somehow she's in the coach bathroom. [00:22:59] Speaker A: She keeps ending up in the coach bathroom. Why not the first class bathroom? [00:23:04] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:23:04] Speaker A: Okay. [00:23:05] Speaker B: Oh, so she could run into Bobby, maybe. So she could run into sardine lady, maybe. [00:23:11] Speaker A: Anyway, she gets back into that bathroom, and then Nick also needs to use. [00:23:16] Speaker B: The bathroom and is somehow also in coach. [00:23:19] Speaker A: And somehow in coach, in the largest bathroom, I think, ever recorded in plain history. And they could have taken that moment to join the mile high club. Of course they didn't. No, because that would not happen. Okay. [00:23:37] Speaker B: The bathroom was asking for it, though. If you see a bathroom that big on a plane, you better fuck in it. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Thank you. I mean, yes, thank you. She does take that time to apologize to Jake for ruining Christmas. So she's starting to realize she's just come off this whole thing. And she realizes. Oliver pops up. Please, sir, may I have some more. [00:23:58] Speaker B: Math problems? Yeah, that just. [00:24:02] Speaker A: Oh, Oliver. [00:24:04] Speaker B: I mean, I'm not like a Dickensian scholar, so there may be some that we missed, but it was so cringe every time, you know, they made a reference to a different work. [00:24:15] Speaker A: Literature. Poor Oliver. All right, now we meet the Australian pilot. He is meant to Be the Ghost of Christmas Present. I don't know why. [00:24:24] Speaker B: No, no, it really should have been people that we saw at the office. The Carol, like, you know the one. [00:24:29] Speaker A: That calls her Krampus all the time. He should have been the pilot. So what? [00:24:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Wizard of Oz, this thing up. [00:24:33] Speaker B: Yeah. We're off in La La Land. Like there's ghosts and time travel, so why not? Yeah. [00:24:37] Speaker A: Okay. So Ghost of Christmas Present. This is where I really was invested because all of these people are just talking shit about her. [00:24:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:45] Speaker A: Non stop. Just going at it. So we. [00:24:49] Speaker B: And they're having a party. The heat is up, I think. Oh, maybe the heat's not up yet. No, that's later. But they are having. [00:24:54] Speaker A: Yeah, no, they're having a party and they're all bitching about her. And she says, I didn't know they thought that. Really? [00:25:01] Speaker B: Girl, I think you were cultivating that in order to keep them in line. [00:25:06] Speaker A: I mean, they are really going deep. But of course they don't say anything too nasty. [00:25:10] Speaker B: No, it's all Mark after all. Yeah. [00:25:13] Speaker A: All right, so we go to Frances's house. Everyone is talking about her, which we love. Frances stands up, this is her sister, and says, you know, she really thinks she's just misunderstood. They toast her. [00:25:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Frances's husband, by way of apology is like, you know what? I've been thinking? I was a little unfair to your absent sister who, like, would never be the focal point of this get together. [00:25:37] Speaker A: Yeah. But he. [00:25:39] Speaker B: He toasts Ella and everyone there toasts Ella there across the country. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. It doesn't make sense. And then Ella says this crazy line. I didn't. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. She's not doing anything. She's just sitting there watching people talk shit about her. [00:25:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:55] Speaker A: Okay, now we go to Jake's charity. So he. [00:25:59] Speaker B: Okay, so this is the present. And so this is what's actually happening at this time in which Jake is on a plane, but somehow the Ghost of Christmas Present can take you to a little bit earlier the day. [00:26:10] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:26:11] Speaker B: This is just bothered the crap out of me. [00:26:13] Speaker A: That didn't bother me. That's happening now. What bothered me is Lucy, who works for the charity, also tries to get some action from Nick. Yeah, like she's like on it. [00:26:25] Speaker B: What about lunch later? [00:26:26] Speaker A: What about lunch later? [00:26:27] Speaker B: She's touching his arm. [00:26:28] Speaker A: Touching. She's like really like. And Nick is not interested in Lucy. [00:26:35] Speaker B: No. And this has been how many years once again, that he's still carrying a. [00:26:41] Speaker A: Torch for Miss Ella, I think it's over a decade. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:26:46] Speaker A: We go to a dive bar. They do this thing called Dive bar Christmas. I thought that was kind of cute. I've never heard of anything. [00:26:51] Speaker B: It's cute too, but it's going to a dive bar on Christmas. We've already seen this montage of how many Christmases he spent with her to being cute. But okay. Yeah. [00:26:59] Speaker A: We hear more bitchy gossip about Ella. We go to Jake's huge New York City apartment. Like, I don't know how these philanthropists, you know, these people who have no money. [00:27:13] Speaker B: Yeah, he's like essentially a social worker and he's living in luxury. [00:27:17] Speaker A: Huge. We transport over to Bobby's. Tim has an episode and he coughs twice. He coughs twice. And the whole family is like, oh, my God. The mother calls Ella a self absorbed tyrant. There's. I love that line. You're self absorbed tyrant. There's more gossip. [00:27:39] Speaker B: Okay, but is this where Tim says, but I'm grateful for Ella because she gives mommy money for my medicine? [00:27:47] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:48] Speaker B: That kid freaked me out so much. [00:27:50] Speaker A: Terrible. [00:27:51] Speaker B: It's scary. But he was not in a good way. [00:27:54] Speaker A: He was giving of heart. [00:27:55] Speaker B: He sure was. [00:27:56] Speaker A: You have. I mean, I told you when we started these, we were gonna see how hardened your heart was. Now we know Lauren Kinchelo has no heart. This poor pointy shoes. [00:28:09] Speaker B: And I'm gonna cut a bob. [00:28:13] Speaker A: All of a sudden we see an empty chair and we end up back in the bathroom. So Tim's chair gets empty, but we flash forward back into that coach bathroom, open the door, and that same sardine lady is still there. Now I'm starting to get worried about this woman because I think she's incontinent. Because every time this woman transports back, this bitch is waiting for the bathroom. [00:28:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:39] Speaker A: And they're only. They're not even like an hour. [00:28:41] Speaker B: No, they're still in America. Yeah. Yeah. [00:28:43] Speaker A: So I'm worried about her. Okay. We're overcoming isolation through mentorship. She starts to realize it's never too late. This is what she tells Nick. She's overcoming isolation through mentorship. They touch hands on the flight. Yeah. It's a moment. Okay, it is. [00:29:06] Speaker B: And he's the one to break away. [00:29:09] Speaker A: And they touch him. [00:29:09] Speaker B: And his nails looked good. [00:29:11] Speaker A: He had nice hands. And then all of a sudden, there's a scary looking air marshal. He is the ghost of Christmas yet to Come. Now this man has. [00:29:24] Speaker B: Yeah, he's massive. He's intimidating. He's got sunglasses. It's. Yeah, he's Very. Like Men in Black. Yeah, yeah. [00:29:33] Speaker A: He's giving Secret Service. He has no lines. Which I said before, which really was unfortunate. It was unfortunate, yeah. [00:29:39] Speaker B: He should have gotten paid for that performance. [00:29:41] Speaker A: Okay, so here we go. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Which he did, but not as much as if he had had lines. [00:29:45] Speaker A: We go to the GET offices and they're packing up her office. Everyone is like. [00:29:51] Speaker B: And this is when the heat's on. [00:29:52] Speaker A: The heat is back on. [00:29:54] Speaker B: 70 degrees in here. What is happening? [00:29:56] Speaker A: And then this is my thing. My favorite part of the movie. The doorman and the custodian are going through. They're rifling through her office. You want this, you want that? That never gave us anything. Yeah. [00:30:07] Speaker B: They're opening a 2002. What is it? Dom Perignon, I don't think. They say they don't show the label because they don't have for that. But you hear a pop and it's the 2002. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Yep, yep. Um, they're all. Then we go to Frances. They're all wearing black. Clearly it's her. Whatever. Wake or funeral. She still doesn't get it. [00:30:24] Speaker B: She's so thick in this moment. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Yeah, like, girl, you dead. [00:30:28] Speaker B: Yeah, honey, you know, here. [00:30:30] Speaker A: No, more like you are dead. She realizes that Nick. Is it Nick. [00:30:40] Speaker B: Jake. [00:30:40] Speaker A: She realizes that Jake is a lonely librarian. I love that. Like, yeah, he never. [00:30:48] Speaker B: He let this whole life of helping the underprivileged go. And he's a. How awful. Lonely librarian. [00:30:55] Speaker A: Lonely librarian. Now we go to Bobby's house. Chim's chair is actually empty. We go to her cemetery. Like, this is boom, boom, boom. Tim is dead. Nick, Jake is a lonely librarian. And then take it. [00:31:12] Speaker B: We go to her own tombstone. Which how she didn't see that this was where we're going is really remarkable. But there we are at Ella's lonely gravestone. [00:31:22] Speaker A: Girl, you dead. [00:31:23] Speaker B: Yeah, let me. Oh, she dead. [00:31:26] Speaker A: She way dead. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Ding dong. Okay, so we screech back. We're back in the bathroom. She opens the door and there's that woman again, ladies. [00:31:39] Speaker B: Strikes again. And yeah, she's in some sort of gastro distress for sure. [00:31:43] Speaker A: I'm more worried about her than tiny fish. It's the sardines, right? [00:31:50] Speaker B: I mean, what would be worse than the tin of. Tin of bad sardines? [00:31:53] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. It announces that there's going to be an emergency. Is it an emergency landing or just a landing? [00:31:59] Speaker B: It's just a land. They're not really freaking us out. But there's. The plane needs to. Something needs to be addressed. No one's panicking, but they've got a touchdown. And she's like, are we in Australia already? No, girl, we're Sardine lady informs her we're in Utah. [00:32:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Utah, yeah. Of course. [00:32:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:15] Speaker A: We can't land in Chicago. We can't land in Miami. Can't land in Los Angeles. We gotta land in Utah. [00:32:20] Speaker B: Yeah. That hub. [00:32:21] Speaker A: Yes. Where there's family and. Da, da, da. And of course, Frances lives there. Yeah. All right. This bitch is changed now. Yeah. El Anser has seen her ways. She is a changed woman. They land. This is a pretty good scene. She's sitting there. Bobby gets off the plane. I couldn't find you a hotel. And I'm trying. And da, da, da, da, da. And Ella's really putting her through it. [00:32:46] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She lets her go on. Yeah. She's like, I'm trying to get you on the flight. We know we have to get to Australia. La, la, la. [00:32:53] Speaker A: And then. And she says, bobby, I'm going to give you a promotion. Double your salary. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Double your salary. Yep. [00:33:02] Speaker A: And give her the best insurance possible. So Tim can have more inhalers, which, by the way, you can buy over the tech. [00:33:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:33:15] Speaker A: Do you need an inhaler, please? [00:33:17] Speaker B: Immediately. [00:33:18] Speaker A: You can get those over the counter, Tim. Okay, I'm sorry. And by the way, to the asthma community, if there is severe asthma, I am so sorry. Write to me at Label Queen Pot, gmail.com. we don't mean to make light of it, but come on. Okay. She also announces that she's giving the entire plane a room. [00:33:40] Speaker B: The best room. They all get the best room somehow, which. [00:33:42] Speaker A: The best room for their inconvenience. None of these people look pissed off. Put out. I would be furious. Yeah. [00:33:50] Speaker B: You know to be in Utah when you're trying to be in Australia. Yes. No, that's a. [00:33:56] Speaker A: Okay, then we get this line. I think it's still in the airport. No. They go to a diner. [00:34:04] Speaker B: This really, like, noir diner. Like the lighting in there. And there's no one in there besides them. [00:34:10] Speaker A: It's giving Twin Peaks. It's giving David Lynch. [00:34:13] Speaker B: Yes. Like, heavy through the slats. [00:34:16] Speaker A: Moody, sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She says, I've realized if you don't need anyone, you don't have anyone. Okay. [00:34:28] Speaker B: Okay. [00:34:28] Speaker A: And then apologizes. They dance in the diner. They dip in the diner, and they kiss. Beautiful. Beautiful. So all is good. They show up at Frances house with miraculously wrapped gifts. And a lot of them. [00:34:44] Speaker B: Yeah. A lot of empty but beautifully wrapped boxes. [00:34:46] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:47] Speaker A: Totally empty. [00:34:48] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:34:48] Speaker A: She apologizes to Frances, like, will you have me? Of course. Frances is like, of course. Of course. Abi goes home because she got her on a flight and she sees Tim. All is good there. And they realize, you're gonna be okay because now I've got a promotion. I don't know to what. I've doubled my salary. We don't know to what. [00:35:11] Speaker B: Right? [00:35:11] Speaker A: Like, double of nothing could be nothing. And they have health insurance. Okay. They're opening gifts. She gets that red scarf. Was it a gift or how did the scarf come back? [00:35:25] Speaker B: Stand. How the scarf came back. But I have a really big problem with it being called the ruby scarf when that color would not be described by anyone who went through this whole, like, pan. Like, no, it wasn't ruby. Like, closer to persimmon. [00:35:39] Speaker A: Yes. Or claret or burgundy or whatever else she said. Scarlet. [00:35:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Where the hell did that scarf come from? I think it was magic. [00:35:47] Speaker A: Maybe Ruby was like, I'm still trying to wizard of Oz to sing a little bit. Right? Okay, but. [00:35:52] Speaker B: But like, we're already ripping off one classic, right? [00:35:54] Speaker A: Like Bobby FaceTimes her. Tim gets on thanks her. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And Tim, why did we give this kid the line? I know he says it in the thing, but what does he say? [00:36:07] Speaker B: God bless us, everyone. [00:36:11] Speaker A: In the most monotonous. [00:36:12] Speaker B: He's so scary. [00:36:13] Speaker A: Oh, he's so scary. He's really, really creepy. Yeah. He's giving midso. Yeah. [00:36:20] Speaker B: I mean, there's always like a weird crotch goblin in this. In these, but this. This one takes the cake. [00:36:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. It's Children of the Corn. It's Stephen King. Yes. God bless us, everyone. Then there's a wacky montage of them playing charades, opening gifts, eating cookies. They're happy, happy, happy. He tells her, I love you. I love you. And she says, I love you. They don't say that a lot in these movies. They kiss, but, like, this is. This is a relationship. And he says, I. I love you. I believed it. [00:36:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:36:52] Speaker A: I believed every word. [00:36:54] Speaker B: Did have some chemistry, these guys. [00:36:56] Speaker A: All right, and they kiss. And that's the end. What did you think of Christmas above the Clouds? [00:37:03] Speaker B: Well, yeah, like I said, I really appreciated. There were some. Some little singers in there. There were some. And I appreciated that. It's batshit, but it's a bat shit that we know because those Christmas Carol is kind of batshit too. You know what I mean? So it wasn't this made up. Like, we're not in Zularnia. We're not in some new realm of unexpected hijinks. This is. I'm on a path that I've been on before and I think that's wise of them to not try to reinvent the wheel. [00:37:31] Speaker A: So. [00:37:31] Speaker B: I appreciated that. But yeah, there were. It was also. There was some real cringy moments as well. [00:37:40] Speaker A: I feel bad for the Dickensian estate. I mean, I truly do. Like, how many times can we mine this story, this intellectual property? Like somewhere somebody's gotta like, make some money off of this thing. But here we are again, probably. It's like Shakespeare. It's like the 14,000th time we've seen this story. I didn't mind it. I didn't love it. Would you fuck either of these two? [00:38:06] Speaker B: Oh, Jake, for sure. No, not you. [00:38:10] Speaker A: Get it, girl. He was okay. [00:38:11] Speaker B: He was boring. I like it. Yeah. [00:38:13] Speaker A: So I'm going to say no. I think they bored me a little bit. And I question his taste. [00:38:19] Speaker B: We could. In her. [00:38:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:22] Speaker B: Like, yeah, she. She was also like, pretty. Softball team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I. Which. But it wasn't doing it for me. But I think he's quite handsome. [00:38:31] Speaker A: Okay. I mean, I like that she wasn't blonde. I like, you know, all of that. But yeah, she was. She was just. Okay. Who would you play in Christmas above the Clouds? [00:38:42] Speaker B: I feel like we're gonna have the same answer. It's Sardine lady, right? [00:38:47] Speaker A: I want to play her. [00:38:48] Speaker B: I know, me too. I wrote it down. I'll show you. No, Sardine Lady. I mean, yeah, what a weirdo. [00:38:57] Speaker A: And also at the bathroom. But she did have a moment. Like, she did kind of explain like, no, we're landing and it's always. [00:39:03] Speaker B: And are you okay? [00:39:05] Speaker A: Yeah, she had. She had her moments. [00:39:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:07] Speaker A: All right, so I would either play her, but since you're playing her, you probably do it much better. I'll play Oliver. Oh, please. Oliver? [00:39:15] Speaker B: Oliver, the math kid. I was like, oh, you're gonna change Tim to like, yeah, human. [00:39:20] Speaker A: I'd play Oliver as like a 55 year old child with like a weird wig. Please. I may have some more math problems. That's who I. Okay. I'm Oliver. You're Sardine Lee. [00:39:32] Speaker B: We're on this plane. Yeah. Oh, it was a ride. [00:39:37] Speaker A: It was a ride. Thank you as always for joining and to all my ho ho hoes. We'll be back again with some more roasting and toasting of Hallmark holiday Christmas movies. See you soon. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle.